On changing my mind

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Dear Friend,

Have you ever changed your mind?

I can only imagine you have because I think most people do. I change my mind constantly. I change my mind about what my favorite food is, what job is best for me, which purse is my favorite, what car I want, about so many things. All pretty frivolous but still changes.

To significantly overanalyze the constant changes, I’d say my style and personal tastes are evolving. I’d say that I’m taking in bits and pieces of my environment, sifting through the various parts, deciding what is “me” and what isn’t, and moving on from there. This process of evolving/changing my mind is pretty much always happening, just like constantly working to find balance. Most of it isย very subtle, but still it’s there.

Then there are the big changes, the ones that everyone will notice. The kind of changes that people will be interested in and potentially question. These changes freak me out mostly because I’m scared of being wrong. Plus, a lot of times there isn’t exactly a right or wrong answer, making things all the more difficult.

To give you more context, today marks a huge change in my life. This afternoon I will sign a lease for a beautiful apartment with my leading man.

I have always, always been on the waiting side of the “when to move in with your respective person” argument. I argued that too many couples move in together because rent will be cheaper or because it will be easier to see each other or because they don’t really know what else to do. I have never wanted to be a financial decision or a convenience or something that just happened and so I’ve always argued against moving in before marriage.

I also had never been faced with the prospect of living with someone. I’ve been in relationships before, but nothing ever got to a point where moving in could have been brought up. So of course it was easy to argue against because it never sounded appealing.

So… that’s changed.

Without making this a ridiculous love letter, I’ll put it simply by saying that my leading man is blowing everyone out of the water. This is the first time that I’m on the same page as the man that I’m dating. He understands what “dating” means to me and it means the same thing to him. I’m absolutely not easing his finances (oops), I have never felt like more of a priority/couldn’t be further from a convenience, and we both know what the end point of this equation is. So there go all of my previous arguments.

What do you do when your arguments are gone? What happens when all of the things you thought would be issues, aren’t?

In my case, you talk it out. Big time. You do not let things lie, and you beat that poor, dead horse. And then you evolve. I consider this growing. I took in the bits and pieces of my environment, realized this was a “me” choice, and I took a risk by substantially changing my mind. Maybe I haven’t grown yet, but I’m ready to learn. And while I’m sureย I’ll learn a crazy amount about my leading man and about myself as the individuals we are, I’m most excited to learn about who we are together in this new setting.

So, Friend, I’ll send you off with some of our home inspirations… our “together” style. I can’t wait!

Did you move in before you were married? Did you wait until after your big day to make that big move? Any particularly noteworthy learning curves that came with your big move?

xx Katie

house 1

house 4 house 3

house 2

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18 thoughts on “On changing my mind

  1. Happy for you that you allowed life to trump original reasoning, as it often has to. I have a long list of “I will never …” that has changed to “I can’t believe I did …”

    I, too, lived with my husband prior to marriage & had to depend on him before our I DOs. It helped me prepare for marriage, beyond the mere commitment. It changes things for sure, both good & not so good but you both learn from it & you adjust.

    Congratulations, Katie!

    • Thank you thank you! It is crazy how drastically the list of “I’ll never” changes. I have a sneaky suspicious that one of my next changes will be related to “I’ll never own my own business.”

  2. I heard “Soโ€ฆ thatโ€™s changed.” in your voice like you were sitting across from me. congrats again dear on this momentus occasion. so excited for you two – it’s great to see how happy he makes you (and when we fiiinally meet, I’m sure I’ll see vice versa!). one of the biggest hold backs that i had about moving in beforehand was hearing people tell me that it takes the excitement out of moving in after you get married…that all of that should be one fell swoop to signify something huge changing in your life (does that make sense?). uuhhhh….you know what happened? we were giddy for double the time! “eeee! this is the first time we’re cooking dinner together” and then the “eeee! this is the first time we’re cooking dinner together AS A MARRIED COUPLE!” it is so much fun and i never saw it as taking any excitement away when we got married….it just got dragged out to much longer giddy excitement! i love that you get to experience this too! ps. LOVE your together style!

    • Totally makes sense and I am SO thrilled for double the giddy! Nothing sounds better ๐Ÿ™‚

      I’m also very excited for you two to meet in such an ideal new home. It’s going to be pretty fantastic. Luckily my chef also dabbled in some interior design… shhhhhh.

  3. I’m so completely overjoyed for your next chapter! I’m the type to have “strong” opinions that turns out… well, weren’t so strong as they were uninformed. I love that you thought this through and came to the most delightful conclusion you could- even when it went against what you thought you wanted all along. Congrats, you. xo

  4. I am so excited for this next chapter of your relationship!! (PS. Did I call this or what the day we met??;) We definitely moved in together before we were married and were still just as excited after we got married! Looking forward to brunch at your new digs!

  5. This very exciting, big news, congratulations! I like you’re way of thinking, evolving is a good word to use. My boyfriend and I have half lived together for years and years, basically since we first met in college. Our separate apartments were shared, half the week at his, half at mine. Then more of the same through law school. We’re finally full time living together now, which doesn’t feel much different. I wish you and your leading man all the best on this new adventure together!

  6. I never really thought about if or why I should move in with my then boyfriend (now husband). It happened I guess, naturally.

    We met, we did long distance for a year (after a week of “dating” no less). So the long distance thing wasn’t that hard since I barely knew him. But I flew the 3.5 hour flight to visit him and vice-versa every 4-6wks. Then, I moved up to that same province. For the first little while I moved in with family 45 minutes away, then room mates closer to his city. Then, in with him a year or so later.

    We lived together about a year. He panicked, and I got mad and moved out a few streets down, he then stressed out and said “no no, come back”. I stayed my ground and told him if I ever move out again, it’d be the end of us. So – it gave him a good fright that I was independent enough to move out on my own, not be afraid to live in a place without him around. It also made me feel pretty awesome that he first panicked, then regretted the decision of me moving out.

    Anyway, super long comment – but I did want to say as cliche as it sounds … if you do move in together: pick your battles. Set chores for who does what. Don’t nitpick. You can’t change them. Oh life lessons lol.

    I’ve never been an overly girly decorator, and have pretty netural and unisex taste in bedding etc. Your “together” style looks right up my ally. I totally want those striped duvet covers and deep charcoal pillow cases. I’m on the same wavelength as you – I have med-gray sheets + striped cover, but it’s yellow/grey.

    Hmm.

    • LOVE a long comment and thank you for sharing your story. I love learning how everyone has managed differently through the same life change.

      Also, so thrilled we’re on the same page about home decor ๐Ÿ™‚ Can’t wait for you to see our “after” photos.

  7. It’s an exciting change, isn’t it? I am so happy for you! Finding someone that makes your heart sing is an amazing feeling. I JUST moved in with Shawn as well and we’re working together to create an “our” space. I love the designs you have picked out above. They seem a great combination of both of your styles and I can’t wait to see how they come together! Congrats, love! XO

    Anna
    alilyloveaffair.com

    • Congrats to you too! Definitely an exciting change. I couldn’t be more thrilled ๐Ÿ™‚ I will say though that I was unaware of how much stuff we had until this weekend. My word! There is stuff everywhere! Soon to be organized and then photos will be shared.

  8. Pingback: Dear November | Lovely Letters

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